![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
faylen's journalLog in Create a LiveJournal Account Learn more
| You are viewing faylen's journal Log in Create a LiveJournal Account Learn more | Explore LJ: Life Entertainment Music Culture News & Politics Technology |
Faylen's Ramblings |
 |
| About this Journal | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Welcome to my journal. You'll see a lot of random stuff here, from deep stuff to just silliness. Feel free to leave comments or email me. One thing you should know is that my journal is my place to be me. Though my public entries are typically short and safe, I make no promises, and I rarely use cuts. My journal is just that, my journal, that I happen to allow others to read. I don't mean this to be mean, but I know different people view online journalling in different ways so I want to make my style clear. Having said that, I very rarely use bad language. On the other hand, if you're offended by religious references, this may not be a good journal for you to read. If you're one like me that shops online a lot, check out the links in my link list. Happy reading! Links: If you want to earn cash or just get automatic rebates when you shop online, without sign up costs, quotas or needing to buy things you don't want, check this out Or if you don't want to set up your own mall but want to check out a place with over a thousand stores to choose from, go here instead | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Jul. 31st, 2007 @ 12:55 pm Now this is the kind of company I like | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: :
Ok. those of you who are visually impaired will understand this all too well. For the rest of you, you know those little encryption boxes that pop up on various forms where you have to type the letters you see in the box? Well, those things don't work worth a hoot with any speech products at all. And they're becoming more and more popular, which is becoming a real problem! pleasedSo. This morning, I have an email saying that the online mall program I've joined up with, see my previous post, had started implementing one of those things. Crap! And there are several blind people a part of it already. So. I got on the site, found the contact link to send an email directly to the head of the program, and fired off a respectful but definite mail about why this was a problem. In the process i noticed that the contact form was rather difficult too, the edit fields weren't labeled very nicely. They've shown in the past a willingness to work with visually impaired people, so I figured maybe a week or so and it might be fixed. I didn't expect this email... Hello Christy, Thank you so much for your email. I have forwarded it on to our development team. We will try to have an audio option for the encryption code in place by the morning, and I've also alerted them to your concerns regarding the signup page. We want everything to be as simple as possible for our visually impaired members. Have a beautiful day! Ginny Dye CEO/Founder Together We Can Change The World, Inc. And this email, a real one not some form letter, came in within a matter of three hours or less from the time I sent mine. All I can say is, yahoo and other companies need to take a clue from these people! Not much else to add. We've got company coming in hopefully next week for a few days. That should be fun. I'm also hard at work testing a new mud client for blind players, and getting to play a major part in its development with ideas. No money in it, but it's exciting anyway. Now, food! | ||
| Jul. 6th, 2007 @ 07:22 am Trying something new | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Ok so. I'm on a lot of email lists, and one of them is a sort of guide dog user chat group, pretty informal. Well one particular guy on there has talked about a couple of home based businesses he's gotten involved in, and this isn't someone who seems easily scammed. Still, I've reached a point where I hate MLM because of all the startup cost crap, plus I hate selling. and affiliate programs are ok if you have a really active website, which I don't. But he said something about an online shopping mall so I was like, hmm, what's that? Then he said it's free. Umm, yeah right, there's usually a catch to free like, it's free to sign up but you gotta buy so much of some product or you won't make anything. then he said he got his first check without paying a penny... Huh? This is Buddy we're talking about, he wouldn't lie about this. So I went to check it out. I'll put the link here for anyone who prefers to check things out for themselves, then give my initial impressions. Heads up though, they use a lot of audio and some flash movies, so if you're using jaws and decide to do your own research, make sure flash is enabled. All in all the site's not bad though. Here's the link to check it out and sign up if you want to. So, my own impressions. Well first, Buddy wasn't lying. There's no cost to sign up, at all... Nada. when I mention purchases, I'm talking about online shopping from a ton of different stores that are part of this mall. But there's no quotas or qualifying or any of that crap that I've seen from a bunch of places that are selling their own stuff. And there's also two different ways you can do it. You can get a personal mall, which means you get decent commissions on everything you purchase from the various stores, but don't get commissions on anyone signing up under you. Or there's the business one, where you get a ton less commission on purchases from your own mall, but you get commissions on purchases from malls below you. Basically it's a decision between do you want rebates from your own purchases or do you want to make money by telling other people about it. Of course, you can always send people the link to your personal mall, but in the long run the business one has more income potential. It's all in how you want to do it. In the examples they give, their numbers are a bit inflated. Seriously, who's going to make hundreds of thousands of dollars a month? Yeah right. But the idea is sound, it's taking advantage of what people are going to buy anyway, not trying to shove some specialized product down their throat. Also, I really really like their One Child at a Time program, they give a certain percentage of profits to a child in need, to meet a specific need not just oh you poor thing, here have some money. The mall itself looks pretty good. There's a few places I wish they had, mostly like Ebay and Amazon, but they do have tiger direct, sears and other main stream places. They also have a lot of little known shops and such. They have category searches and a directory. I do wish they had a specific product search, but that's listed as coming soon, so I hope so. Oh and there's a specific category for gift cards, where they list specific stores that do pay commissions on gift cards which I think is really neat. So. I signed up. My thinking is, at least with this I haven't lost money buying some crazy startup kit, never hurts to sign up, right? Especially as much online shopping as I do! If nothing else, when I shop I'm helping a child and the people above me, even if I myself don't make any money. So, shrugs. Oh one more thing. They don't allow one household to have both a business and a personal mall, but they do allow multiple business malls so like, if Amy wanted to sign up under me, or Eddie, or both, that would be ok so long as they went with the business one and not the personal one. Anyone else though, it doesn't matter which. If anyone just wanted to check out the mall itself, you can go to the above link and click on shop. That will take you to the mall and you can see how that part works. | ||
| May. 12th, 2007 @ 11:35 am Devotional, wow! | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
Current Location: my room, where else?
I got this from a daily scripture list I'm on. Most of the scriptures theymood: :  thoughtfulI'm hearing: : computer fan and my own thoughts send I'm not too impressed with because they tend to send ones that are easily taken out of context without including surrounding text, sometimes even sending half a verse, but this devotional is really really good. I want to look up these scriptures in other versions too. Quick Edit, I just looked up the verses in the NIV, and the one from Acts definitely seems to be out of context. I still find the general meaning to be there, though. May 12 2007 Loving Out The Fear All of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. (1 Peter 3:8 NLT) God enables us to love the fear out of one another. We drive fear from our families and friends by loving one another so supportively that every one feels safe inside the group (1 John 4:18). This safety allows us to bring our humanity into the open, including all our pain and joy, our ups and downs, our victories and defeats. It means you give to others the same uncommon safety Christ gives you - to be real, to be sad, to be messed up and confused, yet to be loved. God challenges us to create a Christ-community where we love like our lives depend upon it (1 Peter 1:22) and where we can each "live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28) We're to weep as one and celebrate as one, caring for each other equally (1 Corinthians 12:25-26) as we comfort and confront, warm and warn, cherish and challenge within an atmosphere of supportive safety. Loving the fear out of each other requires that we develop: Tender hearts - We give support to each other because God gives us support, and we're to encourage others with the encouragement we receive from him. (2 Corinthians 1:4) In the New Testament, the word 'support' can literally mean "to increase one another's potential." (Romans 14:19 NJB) We strengthen one another by extending love, instead of fostering fear, and we do that by offering relationships that are safe and sympathetic. Humble minds -True humility focuses on the worth of others. We understand our value in Christ, and we understand that God shapes each of us for a unique purpose. Godly eyes - Loving the fear out of our family and friends - in fact, loving the fear out of the world - means we see others for what they can be, not for what they appear to be now. Jesus called Peter a rock when the fisherman was still acting on impulse (Matt. 16:18), and God called Gideon a mighty man of courage when he was hiding from the enemy among piles of grain. (Judges 6:11-12) God calls us to encourage and affirm each other (1 Thessalonians 5:11), seeing those around us in terms of their purpose and mission in life. So what? · God enables us to love the fear out of one another. You can love the fear out of others, and you can allow the fear to be loved out of you. · We exhibit tender hearts when we say to one another: block quote · It's OK to have a bad day. · It's OK to be tired. · It's OK to admit your mistakes. · It's OK to say your marriage is failing. · It's OK to confess your addiction. · It's OK to share you're scared. · It's OK to want a day away from your toddler. · It's OK to grieve this loss. · It's OK to doubt, to be confused, to cry. block quote end · We exhibit humble minds when we say to one another: · It's OK to be happy you got a new car. · It's OK to celebrate that you got a huge raise. · It's OK to joyfully tell us you lost 17 pounds. · It's OK to say you won the sales competition. · It's OK to shout "Hallelujah!" because God's presence in your life is so good. · It's OK to tell us these things because we will be as happy for you as if these blessings had come to us, and we will join you in hearty celebration. | ||
| Apr. 12th, 2007 @ 10:22 pm random stuff | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
Let's see, how to sum up today.. I'm still sick, what's new. Bleh. I got to talk to a friend for the first time on the phone earlier, so that was cool. He's out of town for a few days and called to let us know he got where he was going safely, which is good because I tend to be slightly concerned when I don't know if someone is safe or not. Not like overly worried but, I do feel better knowing he's safe. Besides, it's always good getting to actually talk to someone on the phone when you've only talked online before. So, definitely a good point of the day. I hope he doesn't get in trouble with his parents is all, that kind of concerns me. But I'm hoping since he does have other friends in the states, and he hasn't actually given us his number, only called us, that it'll be ok. Notlong after that, Amy was coming in from letting her dog out and Austin got out of the house, CAAAAT! We locked up the other three, then I finally managed, after calling him several times, to get him to come to me. Darned cat, guess that means we have to lock them all up every time we open the door now. Of course, now that he knows that door goes outside, he's doing what he did in florida, standing at the door meooooowing. Ah well, it's more work but we'll manage, easier locking them up than hunting them down, that's for sure. Fortunately, he is microchipped, though the others aren't. We so need to get that done. Let's see, what else.. Oh yeah. I want to find an LJ style that doesn't have that stupid calendar, and I'd really like one that has actual headings, as in the html h1 or h2 etc tags, for each entry if I could. Anyone have suggestions for a style that has those features that still looks ok visually? I might even think of a journal theme, like changing all my texts to fit into some kind of flow, who knows. Not much else. Been thinking somewhat deep thoughts, but too bleh in the head to write them out. Oh! I pulled up the files from my old website that a friend sent me. Thinking of updating them and putting them back up along with some other things I'd been working on, but we'll see. Stay tuned here for any updates on that. | ||
| Mar. 19th, 2007 @ 06:25 am Just Wow | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
Leave it to God to turn the struggles of a friend into a time of reconciliation for me. No, that doesn't mean I'm glad for the struggles, I would never seek trouble on a friend for my own purposes, not even spiritual ones. But in seeking to council a friend on a decision, and in fact a decision that would affect me as well, I've been nearly forced back into seeking the wisdom of God, something I should have been doing all along. anyone that knows me knows I have horrendous, cronic motivational issues. I mean bad, and spiritual things are not an exception. I've been a christian for, let me think, seventeen years now, wow. and I can remember two or three years into my walk of faith struggling to want to pray every day. Now? We won't even talk about how often I pray, or don't pray. It's embarrassing to say the least, and I'm ashamed, convicted, perhaps both. I haven't been reading. I haven't been going to church, because I'm too afraid of trying new churches around here since so many of them seem either wayyy too liberal for my liking, or far too legalistic. Doesn't mean I don't accept people who believe differently, I do, but I need to be fed and led by a shepherd who I can trust, and that's hard. I had that once, then the church closed. So yeah, I've been struggling. I wouldn't say backsliding really, not in the typical sense. I've not denied my God or my faith at least in words, but I sure haven't been seeking him. Not for at least a year,tnot fully. Well, something's woken me up. It started out praying with this friend about these decisions, really praying with her for the first time in a long time, and feeling again God's words flowing into my mind, bringing things to my heart and mind and lips that were not of my own. Song lyrics, scriptures, concepts, like it used to be. These phrases that popped out of my mouth that, if they didn't minister to her, they sure ministered to me, even if that sounds strange. Last night I was listening to a song about coming back into his arms, and after it was over I just fell asleep. It was really good sleep too, to the point that when my dog woke me up at 4:00 because I forgot to feed her, (OOPS!), I was tired but thought it was much later. Oh, and last night, I think before that song, I went online and started reading the word for the first time in I don't know how long... And I mean, really reading. Not just reading because I felt like I had to. Reading because I wanted to, because I longed for it, I wanted to know what the next verse said, what the next chapter was about. I was reading in first correnthians, trying to remember what started me on that.. Oh yeah, I'd been doing some research on spiritual gifts. So one thing led to another to another and I was loving it, hungry again, finally. By the way, if anyone's looking for an accessible bible site, bible.com seems really good. So this morning, after feeding my dog I came back, and new I wouldn't sleep. Picked up the computer, and started reading again. In less than twelve hours, I got through the entire book, and started onto second cor.. And then I went back, started listening to another song, then did a bit more research, this time on the concept of the cloud of witnesses. Then back to another song, and for the first time in forever I'm feeling connected with God.. Not as much as I long for, but it's there. I'm loving this, but I'm also scared. I tend to lose my motivation so easily. People say pray about it, but I have, and I still lose it. It's just like anything else, everyone just says, don't be so lazy, just do it even if you don't feel like it. If only it were that easy, if only I could overcome this once and for all, whether it's about praying, or bible reading, or cleaning, or phone calls, or anything. Especially with praying and bible reading though. If I do it out of duty, it just becomes something I do, and I lose interest. How messed up is that, I know, I know, but I'm just being brutally honest. How I long for this desire, this true, genuine hunger to stay with me! How I long to reconnect with God and stay that way! How badly I want to find a genuine group of believers in a church that won't criticize me for what I wear, or treat me like a child, or ignore me, but yet teaches the deeper things of God instead of just pacifying everyone! I'm so tired of this! But what am I going to do about it? God, I long for you, I hunger for you, I know you as my Saviour but I long to know you deeper, on that level of fellowship that you have intended for us. Draw me closer, hold me to you, even when I struggle, help me not to let go again but to seek you deeper. Give my heart wisdom and understanding, but more importantly, a hunger for you that is unshakeable. I hear you speaking to my mind, to my heart, that if I seek you first, that the rest will fall into place, that the closer I am to you, the more clearly I will hear your voice. | ||
| Oct. 18th, 2005 @ 06:55 pm argh!!! | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: : angry and frustrated
Most of you know that Amy and I are blind. Some may know that we're planninga move to St. Louis over the next couple of months, from Florida. This involves selling my house, finding an apartment, etc. In the effort to do all this, we need to take a few days trip to STL in order to sign apartment applications, visit theplaces, etc. That costs money. We also need to put down a $300 deposit on the apartment, and other deposits that will be needed to turn on utilities, that again costs money. I'll have plenty of money once the house closes... But not right now. I have a job, but that job pays the mortgage, puts food on the table and keeps us cool and clean. So, all this is needed for us to move, but I can't seem to scrape up the funds. How do you scrape up $1500? Oh yeah, then there's bus pass money.. I thought I'd be ok by just borrowing money from my mom or a friend, especially knowing that I'd have more than enough to pay them back in a couple of months. That won't work though, because my mom and that friend are both in crunches of their own, they don't have it to lend. Someone suggested borrowing from a bank, but my credit score is way too low for that. It's about 15-30 points lower than what they're willing to look at. So, I'm thinking, I wonder if I can improve my credit score? Won't help right now, but might for the apartments. I go to this site where you can get a copy of your annual credit report. Oh, it's easy my mom says. Sure, it's easy, if you've got vision and you can see the stupid idiotic pictures with characters you have to type in the stinking box! No way to get an audio version of the picture, not even a dang phone number to call for help! Oh, there's a phone number, an automated system where you leave your info and they mail you the crazy thing, like that does a blind person any hill of beans worth of good. And complaints? Oh, you can file a complaint, just snail mail it to some stupid p.o. box. Gee, you think I'm a bit peaved? Yeah, peaved with no way to independently access my credit report, and no way to get the money I need to make this visit happen, which in turn will make the move happen. Just please pray for us. | ||
| Jun. 4th, 2005 @ 09:12 pm hurricane thoughts | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: :
I've been thinking a lot today about hurricanes, adn what to do if they hit this year with the same or worse vengeance that they did last. I wouldn't say I'm terrified, but I am very concerned, and I certainly don't want to get thrown off guard this year like last. contemplativeHere's the challenge. Two blind people in a house, with little to no local, sighted support. Four cats, though they can be boarded if absolutely necessary. Two guide dogs, I'm not willing to board them, so they come with us. Our only sighted contacts are a family in Largo and our neighbors, neither of which have space in their vehicles to transport us should transportation become necessary out of town/state. Limited finances that make flying out of state, especially more than once, impractical if not impossible. No home church, we've been unable to find one that we like, and especially one that accepts us as normal members that have something to offer. Our largo contacts are willing to let us stay with them, which is good. but I hate to think of what would have happened had Charlie not turned. As fast as that thing exploded, that house would not have stood. The reality is, I need to network, but I don't know how. I'm trying to do that, but it feels awkward. I did find one email list that is specifically for networking in this area. Risky, it is, but so is not having a plan. If this year is as bad or worse than last, I don't know. We'll just have to see. | ||
| May. 17th, 2005 @ 08:30 pm Judo update, beyond exhausted | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Ok, wow. Let's see. We worked on warm up exercises, falling practice, forward rolls, and today added backward rolls. Those are much harder, but the good news is I'm getting a little better at the side falling, and the backward falling stuff is almost natural now. Of course, we haven't done any of that standing yet. Anyway, then we did some standing practice, umm, can't remember the term but doing body mechanics of throws without actually throwing. We demonstrated the two holds we've been working on, and then went on to randori. But Amy and I didn't do randori against each other this time, we switched partners and I did probably four or five matches total, against two different people. The first guy was a blackbelt! Wow, talk about a challenge! I can't tell you how many times he had me in a position I had no clue what to do with. This guy definitely challenged me, and I loved every minute of it. He was serious focused, not unfriendly but definitely not there to chat. The only problem is, near the end I found myself having trouble breathing. It wasn't so much like I couldnt' breathe, it's that my breath was coming way fast, and I could feel my chest and lungs literally burning. It actually scared me. I took a break then we went back at it, but the rest of the time I was really struggling and couldn't focus as well, couldn't move physically as well. I know it was my endurance, but it was just disturbing because I've never felt that before unless I ran a long distance or something. The other thing is I was getting a lot of thick, I dont' know what, like my saliva was really thick. It didn't do that until I was pushing my limits physically, and then it started affecting my ears, like whatever it was was caught in my ear tubes. Really scary. It's gone now, once I settled down physically for a while it went away. Anyway, the second guy was a brown belt I think, not sure, and he takes more of a teaching role when we do randori. He'd let me get a hold on him, then he'd get away but slowly so I'd have time to react. I like both, and I majorly needed the slower pace by that point. In spite of the physical trouble though, I absolutely loved the workouts. I know a lot of people would hate working against someone higher rank than themselves, feel intimidated etc, and I was afraid I would be. But I wasn't, I actually loved it. Oh sure, he was kicking my butt, but it gave me a chance to work on overcoming incredible odds and challenge my limits. I see now why they encourage, why it's actually even necessary, to have the three kinds of practice, practicing against someone higher than you, lower than you,and equal to you. Because we're so new there's really no way to find someone lower than us as far as rank, but I think the ones who use the randori as a sort of teaching exercise give a very similar experience. One thing's for sure, I should sleep good tonight. | ||
| May. 12th, 2005 @ 09:45 pm more Judo | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Wow, I'm really enjoying this, a lot. I feel totally exhausted by the time I get home, but it's a good tired. I'm also noticing a bit of a difference in my endurance; I was able to do fifty squats in a row, well a short break while we were talking but not much, without my legs being all shaky after. I'm learning more throws and holds, and they showed me how to get out of one particular hold today. It's tough, but doable, and i'm starting to get the hang of moving with my opponent and using the center of balance. Still a long, long way to go, but it's getting there. The thing I really like about judo is that it teaches techniques for getting out of situations. I know about keeping myself out of trouble, and there's a lot of that too, but if I actually get in trouble, I want to know how to get out of it. There's a lot of work with that. Of course, it means allowing myself to sometimes get into some pretty scary positions, but the knowledge that I'm learning how to change that helps so so much. I so need to build up my strength though. Even though judo teaches how to use minimum effort for maximum effect, it's not one of those things where you can do it with no strength at all. It's a combination, strength and technique, even if it doesn't require as much strength as say, just trying to push someone off or down with my strength. The minimum effort thing I like, too. One thing we did was practice falling forward. This wasn't the flipping over like I did the first time, it was actually falling forward using my hands out to take the impact. I really dont' like that one, it's scary to be falling straight forward for some reason. I would think backwards would be more scary but the forward one, eek. anyway, it's been a wonderful experience and I'm so glad I got into it. I definitely am going to keep at it. Oh, one other thing. I've noticed witht hese instructors that, if there is something that is scary to us, they don't tell us to just get over it. They don't coddle us or just let us not do it either, but they work with it to make it more safe, less scary while still helping us work through it rather than avoid it. I love it, the combination of gentleness and firmness and understanding. | ||
| May. 6th, 2005 @ 08:22 am judo class | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: :
Last night I had my second judo class, and I've definitely decided to continue it. My roommate went with me too and it sounds like she's going to go with me, which should be even more fun because we can practice and team up together a lot since we're both starting at the same time. Man oh man is it a physical challenge though. But I've needed it, I've needed a reason and a motivation to exercise besides the just "it's good for you and you should do it>" We went over falling again, so Amy could learn it and so I could get more practice in. He also went back over one of the throw motions we went over the first time, and the walking movement. I've got to get my terms down but that's my study plan for this weekend. Anyway, in addition to those reviews, he taught us both some exercises, we did squats, crunches, push ups, and several things with the weights. Then he showed us a couple of mat holds, or pins, and then had us practice trying to pin each other by starting off on our knees attempting to off balance each other. We did that probably seven or eight times after learning the throws. I love how this guy works with us! All that in two hours. Needless to say we're both sore and we came home totally exhausted, but exhilarated. I might keep a running journal of the judo stuff here in addition to other stuff, because I think it will be good to be able to look back at the progress. I can definitely see how this would be a great martial art for visually impaired like us. Some of it is scary, when they start talking about choke holds I just sort of cringe, but I'm taking it as a whole new level of trusting. Besides, we won't get to that until much later. excitedI'm hearing: : computers and Amy snoring | ||
| Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 08:43 am reactions to abortion survivor stories | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: : crying
I'm leaving this public on purpose. Heads up, it's pretty intense.I was just reading the latest entry on 3kitties journal, the one about the affects of children who have survived abortion. This isn't about some widespread political debate, we're talking babies here. Not blobs of tissue, babies. Babies who, in many cases, were further along in development than some of my close friends were when they were born. Just thinking about how they do those abortions, what those poor babies go through before they die, or in some cases before people figure out that, oh my gosh this is an actual child, both turns my stomach and just rattles my emotions. Have you ever read about the methods of abortion and just for a second, put yourself in that baby's shoes for a moment? I won't share the details here, not because I don't want people to get the affects of it but because I know of those who already understand this who would be much more shook up than I by reading it. People tell me a baby can't feel, tell that to the dying baby who grasps onto the finger of a sympathetic doctor in her last moments of life. Tell that to the preemie younger than a lot of abortion victims who flenches at every physical contact because it is intensely painful, and yet reaches and cries out for the touch that every human needs. Tell that to the baby with poison flowing through her who still fights for life for five years. Four million babies at least, most without a name, what have we done to them. Not them as a group, as individuals, as individual as that full term newborn you might hold in your arms and coo at, who a month before in many places would be considered by our society as a candidate for abortion. | ||
| Mar. 28th, 2005 @ 02:28 pm this whole tile thing | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: : uncertain
Most of you know we're in the process of getting our house floors tiled. Fortunately it's being done by someone we know at least a little, Thomas's puppy raiser. He's really good, and he's good with us. Amy and I have both been bombarding him with questions, what he's doing, why and how and what comes next. He answers the questions and seems to do it cheerfully, it's really cool. I'm so glad it's being done by someone we know and not some strangers.So anyway. The living room is done and part of the kitchen. The plan is to hopefully get the hallway and the middle bathroom and bedroom done before a friend comes to visit. We'll most likely take a break then, partly because of some health problems that could get aggrivated by the process, partly to give Amy a break for the same reasons, and partly because I would feel really bad inviting her here, and then having total chaos going on. I just hope that bedroom can be done in time. If not, we'll just have to clean it really well and then do it afterwards. So here's the problem. I went into the living room, the only room that is totally and completely done, and it looks really nice. I was checking it out thinking how awesome it was, and then I had this sudden moment of, what on earth are you doing? Do you really want your house to look and sound like some institution, all echoey and crap? No carpet, just hard, cold, unforgiving floors? and here you are pouring all this money into stuff, what if a hurricane actually does hit this summer? Realistically I know the advantages far outweigh any problems or possible problems. If I do sell the house, yeah it'll mean putting the tile in for nothing, but I'd have to replace the carpet anyway thanks to animals. Better to spend the money on something that will actually last, rather than something that may or may not, probably not. And I'm told that visually, it actually does look much better, adds more color to the room instead of just the off-white walls and black counters. It will probably drive the value of the house way up if I do sell it, and if not it'll make our lives much easier as far as cleaning. If a cat/dog pees, so what. We just mop it up and it's over, no stains or anything. And we can make it feel/look more homey with area rugs and such, something we plan to do. The sound, well unfortunately that can't be helped, and I hate that. I'm hoping in time it will actually make me feel safer, knowing that i'm more likely to hear something than before. I'm just wishing the carpets hadn't been ruined and I didnt' have to do this. I love carpet, I really do. I can go all practical about it and know it's the right thing, but good grief why am I so emotional about it? Not as in crying about it but just having this, my gosh just what do you think you're doing. maybe it's just the fact that I lived in this house the way it was for four years, and this is a very dramatic change. It's unsettling. I just pray we can actually enjoy it for more than a few months. | ||
| Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 07:25 am my testimony | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: : morning sleepy
I'd been wanting to put this up for a while, so here it is. I talk a lot about my spiritual journey, or well, will once I get backdated entries up. Here is it in a nutshell.I'm hearing: : the loud computers and my roommate snoring I grew up the way I think a lot of people do. I knew about God. I'd heard that Jesus was the son of God and that he died on the cross. I even knew that he was risen from the dead. I believed all of that, but it didn't mean a lot to me. I always figured that as long as I was good, i.e. didn't kill anyone or steal or get into drugs, that I'd go to heaven. I did have an aunt who was a born again Christian, but I didn't even know what questions to ask to learn more. I didn't know there was a reason to ask questions. By the age of fourteen, I'd finally managed to feel at least marginally comfortable with people. I was extremely impressionable, and would do almost anything to be accepted. I met a girl who I just knew was different somehow. I knew she didn't like cursing, so I tried not to do it around her. But it wasn't because I thought she'd get mad at me. It was more that I just somehow wanted to be like her. I even found myself watching my language when I wasn't near her, but I didn't know why. What I did know was that she was a Christian, and I wanted to find out more of what that was all about, for real. I thought I was, but I could never say for sure. Was I good enough to call myself a Christian? But I never really approached her about it. Again, I didn't realize that my questions were normal and good questions. I thought there were no answers, so why bother asking anyway? Near the end of my 8th grade year, I went to a Christian concert with a friend. I wasn't supposed to even be talking on the phone, but I was at my dad's that weekend and he didn't care. At the concert, the guy started talking about physical healing. He asked anyone to come up who wanted to be healed. I decided to go. I wasn't sure if God would heal me or not, but I figured I could at least try. As I waited in line, the guy started talking about Jesus, and how we could know him, really know him. I was totally confused, but I knew right then and there that healing or no healing, I wanted to know more about Jesus. I was searching, and I didn't even know it. I finally got up to him. I told him I was there to be healed. He asked me if I was a Christian. I said, I'm working on it. Then he asked me if I had ever been saved, or born again. I must have given him a very strange look, because I had no clue what he was talking about. Without saying much more, he asked one of his assistants to go pray with me. Looking back, I wish that he had explained why he was doing that. It was like an assembly line or something, and I really don't like it when they do it that way. But regardless, I went with her, curious about this thing I'd never heard of. The lady told me to repeat after her, but that I was not talking to her, but to God. Well duh, that's what praying is. But I'm glad she said that, because otherwise it could have seemed like I was praying to her and not God. And really, I'd never prayed before then anyway, not really. My prayers before had consisted of more complaining and whining, but not really expecting that anyone heard me. I figured God had more important things to do than worry about me wanting friends or whatever. So, having no idea what I was getting into, I agreed. What I discovered as she lead me in prayer is that, although I didn't know what I was going to be saying before she said the words, I did mean every word of it as I said it. I did know I was a sinner, and I did want to be forgiven. I did want God to live in my heart. I didn't know it was possible until that day, but I did want it. I wanted that personal close relationship with my creator that I apparently could have. So I asked him to come into my heart, and I promised to follow him, and I meant it. He never did pray for healing for me that day. but it didn't matter. From that moment on, without much really even being explained to me, I knew I was a Christian. And more importantly, I knew what it meant. At least, I knew the basics. I was a child of God, and God was my friend and Father, not just my Creator. Most people end here with their testimony. But to me, the true testimony is not just the salvation offered to us through Jesus. That's only the beginning of what God wants to do in our lives. In the months and years to follow, I learned what an important step I had taken, and learned more and more what had really happened. Jesus's death on the cross was no longer just some event that had happened, it was payment of a debt I could never repay. It was the ultimate sacrifice, by the only person on earth who shouldn't have had to give that sacrifice. His resurrection was no longer just something cool. It was the thing that allowed me to know him even now as my brother and best friend. Forgiveness was no longer something God did just because he was God, and whenever he felt like it. It was something he offered unconditionally when I asked, as long as I truly repented for my actions, because of his unconditional love for me. And I was no longer just wandering. I had a purpose, a goal, a reason for living. I wasn't just surviving alone, I was following a Father who knew my every dream and desire and fear. Life hasn't been easy since then. I've struggled with a lot of things, emotional and spiritual. But I can also see things from a totally different perspective. I understand that all things have a reason, and it's not just fate or mother nature. I am learning to listen to his voice. I can cry out to him in sadness, desperation, even anger, and know he hears and understands. And the more I listen, the more I follow, the more meaning my life has. I may never be healed, and that's ok. Even my blindness has purpose now. As long as I'm holding God's hand, even when nothing else makes sense, I know I'm going somewhere. And the best part is that I know I'll be with him forever when I die. I don't have to guess and hope I do things right, because in myself I could never be good enough. All I had to do was offer my life, and accept his. I still am not in a church on a regular basis. So many people see a physical church as their salvation. I don't, in fact I'm certain that going to church doesn't give you a ticket to heaven. I do want to find a church where I'm comfortable, because I need that fellowship with other members of my spiritual family. I had it once, but then the church closed. But I'm picky. I need a church that will accept me and give me the freedom to be involved, not just be a spectator. I need to know that at least some people want me there and don't just tolerate me. I want to be able to use my gift of singing in some ways, and I don't do well with huge crowds. I need to know that at least most of the church beliefs are in line with my own. I need people who have a real relationship with God, not people who just have religion and legalism. I need a church that will teach about that relationship, so many churches never even teach about salvation. They teach about works, and works don't save us! And I need believers who aren't afraid of the deep spiritual and emotional questions, people who like me are not content with just shallow politeness on Sundays and then never thinking of one another until the next week. I need people who can express concern for the spiritual walk of another when necessary, but who are willing and want to help provide restoration from past mistakes. People who are open to recognizing that, although there are concrete and unchangeable truths, God does not fit in a little box, and sometimes he may work in ways we may not understand fully. These are not just my needs from where I've been. These are the things that I believe God wants between his children. Recognizing these things has been a lot of my spiritual journey, a journey that still has a long way to go. Most people think I'm nuts when I tell them God is my friend. It doesn't seem possible, but it is. God isn't some distant ruler that wants to control everything. He is a Father who does control everything, but gives us the room to make a choice. He wants us to choose him so he can adopt us into his family. But it's up to us. He holds out the gift, and we need only ask for it and take it. | ||
| Feb. 15th, 2005 @ 08:57 pm Neat! | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
I'm hearing: : Rachel Lampa - Always Be My Home (1)
Ok, this is really cool. I'm playing around with a Live Journal client. The only thing I don't like is jaws reads the entry window a bit wierd, so it's hard to know where the hard returns are, but it works. Oh wait a minute! If you switch to the WYSIWYG editor, it works fine! I also discovered not only can I make friends filters, but it will detect what music I'm listening to! That's just sweet! It beats dealing with all those links on the page itself. So anyway. I've got filters set up now. Yay! | ||
| Feb. 15th, 2005 @ 08:39 am First Entry! | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
mood: : Glad to be doing this
Well, I'm finally updating my diary. Or I guess it's a journal here but whatever. I'm annoyed that my diaryland entries went away, but at least my roommate has them so I can put them up here.Ok, guess for the ones who maybe don't know me I should Put some info in here right? For those that do, sorry it's a bunch of repeats. My name is Christy, and i'm 29 years old. I live in Florida with my roommate, our two dogs and four cats. I'm blind, and I'm a massage therapist as of last year. I love it! I love having fun, but I'm also very deep sometimes, no, a lot of times. And I'm a Christian for more than half my life now, wow! I'm also very emotionally driven so some of the stuff might be pretty intense. But I'm trying to work through things and put those emotions to good use rather than letting them tare me down. Better yet, I'm trying to let God turn them around, after all he's the only one that can really do it. | ||
okay